


The Morning After

by LoserLife592



Category: Coraline (2009), Gravity Falls, ParaNorman (2012), Psychonauts
Genre: Drinking, Multi, Mystery Kids, Older Characters, Texts From Last Night, gaaayyyy, so much gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 11:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4828292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoserLife592/pseuds/LoserLife592
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What were we even celebrating last night?” Norman asked as he started to sip at the milk in his helmet.<br/>“I think it was my 21st birthday.” Came Raz’s voice.<br/>“You’re 24 Raz.” Wybie reminded him. “And I'm pretty sure it was a potluck.”<br/>“I think it was the fourth of July.” Dipper mumbled.<br/>“You’re all wrong.” They all looked up at Neil who was duct taped high on the wall near the rafters wearing a party hat. “It was a bachelor party for me.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry if this sucks but the idea was literally a plotbunny and I've never been drunk or played Psychnauts before.

Dipper pursed his lips as he looked around the room. He narrowed his eyes as he carefully took in all of the damage done to what was once…the living room? He really wasn’t sure seeing as he had just woken up and his hangover was just starting to set in. Either way, last night was pretty wild. Shrugging, he plopped down on the couch beside Norman, who was eating cereal out of a Viking helmet. The medium didn’t seem the least bit bothered that the shot glass he was using as a spoon had various lipstick marks on it.

Squinting at him, Dipper peered into the helmet. “Where the hell did you get milk from?”

Norman shrugged as he stared at the spot that a TV had probably once been. “I’m actually not sure how I even got cereal.”

Nodding, Dipper settled back into the couch and stared in the same direction as Norman. A few moments later, Coraline entered the room wearing Lili’s sweater vest with a variety of hickies adorning her body.

“I want it to be noted right here and now.” she said with a completely blank face, “I only did what I did last night because there was immense amount of alcohol influencing my decisions, driving my repressed sexual needs and desires to—”

“Call it whatever you want Jonesy,” Wybie’s voice cut in, muffled by the large pile of semi-crushed beer cans in the corner that he was under. “But you fucked a girl.”

“And it was fantastic.” Lili hummed as she padded into the room, looking pleasantly rumpled as she proceeded to hang herself off of the still blank-faced Coraline.

Suddenly a strangled noise came from underneath the couch, followed by the sound someone smacking their head against the underside. Norman and Dipper lifted their legs just in time for Raz to partially crawl out, like a cockroach with a potty mouth. He shaded his eyes with his hand as he squinted to stare at the two girls. “You two had sex?” he asked, voice gravely.

Lili nodded. “I might leave you for her.”

Raz’s eyes narrowed further before his head whipped around to stare at the pile of cans Wybie was buried under. “Wybourne!” he yelled unnecessarily as he banged his fist against the floor. “In light of the recent information that your girlfriend had sex with my girlfriend, we are going to have sex together as pay back.”

The pile of cans was silent for a moment before it shifted slightly, like Wybie was shrugging. “That seems fair.”

“Good.” Raz nodded as he crawled back under the couch.

“Dude,” Dipper said as he and Norman put their feet back down. “How long have you been under there? How did you even get down there?”

Raz popped his head back out between Norman’s feet and stared at the ceiling in concentration. “The last thing I remember is someone yelling ‘fire will make it better’.” Then he went back under.

“What were we even celebrating last night?” Norman asked as he started to sip at the milk in his helmet.

“I think it was my 21st birthday.” Came Raz’s voice.

“You’re 24 Raz.” Wybie reminded him. “And I’m pretty sure it was a potluck.”

“I think it was the fourth of July.” Dipper mumbled.

“You’re all wrong.” They all looked up at Neil who was duct taped high on the wall near the rafters wearing a party hat. “It was a bachelor party for me.”

Raz popped his head back out and Wybie sat up from his pile of cans as they all stared at their friend in unison.

“You’re getting married?” Wybie asked.

“No, but I said I loved candy and then Raz said I should marry it if I loved it so much I should marry it. Then Pacifica started humming Here Comes the Bride so Mabel started throwing an impromptu bachelor party for me.”

A collective hum of ‘ohh’ rang through the room as they all nodded. That sounded like something they would do.

“Guys, I think I might be gay.” Coraline said, finally speaking again.

“You always know it’s a good party when you wake up the next morning questioning your sexuality.” Raz stated with all the knowledge of a hungover second-year philosophy major.

“Thanks for letting me sleep with your girlfriend by the way, Raz.”

Raz just mumbled something about owing Coraline and a dildo before disappearing back under the couch.

As if on cue, Pacifica walked out the kitchen looking immaculately put together and rested as she perched herself on the armrest of the couch. “There’s a dildo glued to the kitchen table.”

Coraline instantly glared at where Raz hid. “That better not be my glow-in-the-dark one Raz.” She growled. “That one got me through a power outage.”

“I’m sure it did.” Several people around the room said that in several different ways.

Suddenly Lili narrowed her eyes at Pacifica. “Did…” she started uncertainly, burrows furrowed in focus, “Did we have sex with you in the room?”

“Yes.”

“I am so sorry you had to see that. But on the brightside, I trust you enough to have sex in front of you.”

“Eh.” Pacifica shrugged as she examined her nails. “It was pretty hot.” She shot the two girls an appraising look before leering. “You’re both surprisingly flexible.”

Dipper blinked as he was suddenly bombarded by that unwanted mental image.

“Lili, I have to commend your abilities to bring straight girls over to the queer side.” Neil commented.

Lili preened like a cat.

“I think this group is a bit too incestuous.” Norman said. Dipper nodded in agreement.

Aggie suddenly walked in looking very nervous. “Guys,” she said, terror in her voice. “I just woke up to a collection of knives stuck to my wall.”

“So that’s why the kitchen looks so dug up.” Pacifica mused.

“That could actually be for a variety of reasons.” Wybie stated.

“True.”

Just then, various ringtones went off. When Dipper checked his phone, he saw that it was a text from Mabel asking if they knew where she was and stating that this was a mass text message.

“I was wondering where she was.” Raz mumbled.

“I really think we should stop drinking.” Aggie said worriedly. “We also might want to consider getting some solid good influences in our lives.”

Norman snorted. “We don’t know any good influences. And if we did then we’ve already corrupted them.”

“Also, low alcohol consumption is for little bitches who don’t know how to party.” Coraline stated.

Dipper could drink to that.


End file.
